I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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