she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
