I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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