I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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