Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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