I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
false alarm, still single
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
