Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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