I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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