she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
