I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize