Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
