Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
