I wanna bring you to show and tell
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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