just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize