He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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