New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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