just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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