Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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