I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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