what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
