she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
