just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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