Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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