i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
