This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
