So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
