Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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