I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
