I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I still have a little drunk in my system
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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