My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
