Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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