I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
