i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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