Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
