That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
