i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
