does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
