my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
