marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
