yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize