Is it because I queefed?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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