We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
