my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
