so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
