she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
