I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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