hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
