Do you still have your period?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize