walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
