I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize