Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
