His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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