I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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