does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she told me i tasted like america
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
