i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am available for nakedness
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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