I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
