it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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