the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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