Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.