I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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