He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize