dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
