Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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