I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
